Lessons from Max Perkinsstrictly editorial

October 12, 2006

Dear ——

I've read the manuscript carefully once, making several notes throughout as I did so.

Certainly an engaging read and story: you've done well in developing the characters and their interplay, in setting the pace, and in engaging the reader. The plot line struck me as perfectly plausible and characters as believable ... though I will have to read certain passages again more analytically as a double-check.

I do have various concerns, all of which can be addressed in a line edit. In sum, they are what I see as, first, certain emotional excesses, second, the divide between Victoria the mother and Victoria the president, and, third, a somewhat awkward development of the VP as villain. A few scenes need, I think, or would certainly be stronger for, a spot of development. One example is Nanita's reaction the day after the birth. A second example is (are) the two scenes earlier on in which the VP shows his hand.

Separately, what is clearly the weakest aspect of the manuscript is also the most superficial and certainly easy to resolve: grammar, syntax, punctuation, and word use. This is fodder for line and copy editing. Very easy to address. The kind of thing you'll learn from on the spot, which is good for your second novel. Dangling modifiers, a slight tendency to too many adjectives, dicey verbs of utterance, and more words where fewer would be stronger. These must be cleaned up before you go to an agent and publisher. That's what I or someone like me is here for, though.

As I began this email, I was somewhat undecided, whether to draft an informal memo for the record on my initial read, or to reread the manuscript. Having now read what I've typed to you, I've decided: to skim the manuscript at least once, ideally twice, and draft a memo detailing the passages that seem to want the development.

Now certainly seems a good time to write you and touch base on moving forward.

What do you think?