A Day in the Life with John Martine Court, in his words :: 1915-2006
Revellee
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Good Morning! Good Morning!
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Time for all you sleepyheads to rise and shine!
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There you are, all bright eyed and bushy tailed!
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Won't you join us for a dip? The ocean is delectable!
Breakfast
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Have you worked up an appetite?
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Have we a little Tabasco on the table?
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The sample was quite satisfactory. When do we see our breakfast?
Children & Grandchildren
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Little ones are to be seen and not heard!
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Seize them and squeeze them and slice them like a banana!
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Off with their heads!
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Run them through the sausage meat machine!
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WHERE ARE YOUR FEET?
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Your toe hurts? Very well then. We'll just have to cut off your nose!
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Set 'em up in another alley! (on hearing commotion in another room)
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Kick her again, she's still wiggling! (on hearing commotion in another room)
Chores
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What have you been DOING all day?!
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You're making heavy weather of light work.
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You thought like Carmichael's hen thought. (who thought she'd laid an egg when she hadn't)
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It's late for herpicide.
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If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it!
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To quote Admiral Radford, standardization is the fetish of small minds.
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Mimi, where is the ... ?
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Oh for God's sake! Charge it up to profit and loss.
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Turn off the transmitter and on the receiver!
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Mañana por la mañana. (We'll worry about that tomorrow.)
Tennis
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I'm not feeling too perspicacious today! (when trailing in tennis to a lesser intellect)
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That ball was out! (when trailing in tennis to an equal intellect)
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Out! ... Out! ... Out! .... I calls 'em as I seez 'em!
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Move you sausage! Up! Up! Up! (encouraging Mimi to the net)
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Move, Mimi, Move!! (encouraging Mimi)
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Tennis is a game of MOTION!
Lunch
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Vittles and drink are the chief of my diet!
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Can we proffer you a small libation?
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Pardon me, I stepped on a guppy. (preceded by what sounded like a belch)
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Can we proffer you a few comestibles?
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Is the Tabasco on the table?
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McEarlane taking care of McEarlane? (to one helping oneself)
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Keep your elbows off the table! (accompanied by rap with knife or spoon on elbow)
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You'll have the rest of your lunch sitting on the floor! (to transgressing small fry)
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The sample was satisfactory. When do we see our lunch?
After Lunch
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If you will forgive me, I am going to contemplate the ceiling.
Out & About
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Fixin' to start to commence to begin to get ready to go (get the hell out of here).
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Allons, enfants!
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"John, why don't you just open the window and hang up the phone?" (Jack Carmichael)
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"Oh, Johnny's busy. He's meeting himself coming and going!" (Mimi)
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We're going to press a call on ... (the Kirkpatrick-Howats, Clemense, the Andrews)
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We'll take a little shortcut! ...
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Please proceed forthwith!
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Proceed according to precedent!
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The things you see when you haven't got a gun!
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This place has gone to hell on a toboggan.
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Speed on buddy, hell ain't half full yet. (to the fellow passing going 3 mph faster)
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God bless us and keep us, lady, don't die on the vine. (to the lady in front going 2 mph slower)
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Remember Professor Capezio's admonition: Execute the about face and march out.
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A most salubrious and felicitous occasion!
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McEarlane will take care of McEarlane.
Greetings & Terms of Endearment
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Mi-mi, Fe-Fe, Do-Do
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... how I made Admiral ...
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... rescued her from perdition ...
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... turn her in on a new model ...
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Look what the cat dragged in!
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The things you see when you haven't got a gun!
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A fine furry four-footed friend
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Katie-plum-plum ...
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You're looking a little wooly, bully!
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You're wasting away to a mere nothing.
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Parting is such sweet sorrow.
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Hanging on to what balloon?
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Let's not be beastly to the Beast.
The Cocktail Hour
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Good of you to call!
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Won't you join us for the hour of prayer?
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The sun is over the yardarm, let's have a drink.
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Strike a blow for liberty!
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As my dear father used to say ...
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I never drink unless I'm with somebody else or by myself.
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A quart a day never hurt a man, it's the guzzlin' that gets ya.
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Who stole my drink?
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When I was young and the world was new and all ...
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... discussing the isness of the was ...
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Let me say three things...
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You've been reading books again!
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Mr. Lincoln, that s.o.b ...
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Any damn fool can win an argument with facts.
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Mr. Roosevelt, that s.o.b ...
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Everyone is entitled to their own statistics!
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You do run on!
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That's but so much persiflage!
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You're talking to hear your head rattle!
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Flattery will get you nowhere, my dear.
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Would you care for a little heel tap?
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Mi-mi, Fe-Fe, Do-Do ...
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Young Man, you've married above yourself. (Garrard Glenn, 1942)
Dinner
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Oh Lord, bless this food to our use and us to thy service. Amen.
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Would someone please pass me the Tabasco?
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The sample was delectable, when is the main course?
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Such as it was and what there was of it, was moderately palatable.
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Baked Alaska! (when asked about dessert)
After Dinner
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Anyone care for a post-prandial libation?
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Mr. Roosevelt, that s.o.b ...
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Any damn fool can win an argument with facts.
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Mr. Lincoln, that s.o.b ...
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Can I fix you a wee nightcap?
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As Bill Ingles used to say, whenever I find myself with the majority, I immediately reconsider my position.
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It's the positive shank of the evening. I think I'll fix myself a little rammer!
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Can I get a word in edgewise around here?
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Now that the shoe clerks have left, we can settle down to some serious drinking.
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A most salubrious and felicitous occasion!
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I think I will retire for the evening and turn-in.
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I will see you good people in the morning. I am going with-up.
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Bon soir!
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